I Watched Wolves Play
in Snow from a Bench
on the Side
Evan Sandifer | Poetry, Summer 2024
They look so calm between
the white lines. Laughing like people
do. I am the guardian
angel this time, waiting for violence, for a nip
at the neck. I wonder
when manhood begins for them, if they
stick their tongues
where they don’t belong. If they bury
dead bodies, like people do, under rocks
& river beds. One of them rolls on its back, saying
look at the pink parts of me, I dare you.
Dare I?
I’m still on the bench because
that’s what the poem asks of me. When fur hits
bark, knocks teeth, & the red starts to drool
into the white static, all hell. & my knees clank
with the vibrance of tin cans, not standing.
Still wading. & the babe starting to peak
from under its mother’s belly, the other’s
still playing in their own shifting wounds, choking
on each other’s necks, laughing like birds
mimicking
people. The mother is
on her back, bleating like a lamb. She asks
for a chance to redeem herself, to return the
child from which it came. Of course
I watch
it unfold, some sick voyeur. A recreation
of a biblical painting sprawling out
in front of me.
The winter babe is a cursed thing. You cannot tell it
to stay hidden until spring. It’s head
melting what is left of a pure
renaissance.
I am the ugly newborn
& the wretched mother
& the wolves laughing like birds laughing like people underwater
& the god who stayed in place.
______________________
Songs About Jane
Evan Sandifer | Poetry, Summer 2024
On the stairs outside
my parents room
Slinky & I have our
first dance. I extend
my hand, help her begin,
roll over her twisted
spine. She leans down
to the step below.
Her next movements
come naturally as she
remembers the beat & down
again. I follow & arch
my back, let my arms take
my weight, together we
drip a heavy
pour, up over &
down to the first floor
drain. We are puddled
there, settled at the
bottom on our stomachs. I take
her up again where
the gravity has
shifted, still Slinky & I love
to dance, she loves Maroon 5.
I play it for her. We
fall away again spit
& sweat sticks
to the back of my neck this
duet makes me nauseous. Someone
is cursed out behind
a closed door & I wish Slinky
& I had a home of our
own full of stairs. We take it
in reverse, she learns how to go
up alone. I still crawl
back on my hands & knees
she’s a step ahead of me
& I wonder if this is where it begins.
Slinky is the most beautiful.
I watch her dribble down
without me & I nearly
throw up. The music dies,
songs about Jane falter.
I know that Slinky knows
that I know she’s dead
or is, or never was.
___________________________________________
Why are these pieces your Trace Fossil?
I forget about myself all the time. What poetry gives me is a memory of things that I may otherwise lose the potency of. When I am soil and earth, these pieces will be my biography. Not a retelling, but a spark of what once was. People are fascinatingly good at getting the details wrong, but what clings to us, what remains buried in the skin, is the feeling. I hope that when I am old and so forgetful, I will remember those feelings, and I will feel the fullness of everything. Life is full of slinkys and wolves, but really, life is full of you. Through writing I talk to myself night and day. That is something that poetry has helped me with beautifully. These imprints can be read in so many ways, and in that, I can be remembered as a body of water."
Evan Sandifer is a creative that can be found cutting new looks into their wardrobe and frantically rearranging the art on their walls. They have found a particular home in poetry, where their joy for words, their emotion, and their curious spirit can play in unbound territory. They have received several silver and gold keys from the Scholastic Writing Awards competitions, and their work has been featured in The Kenyon Review Literary Magazine. They recently published their debut anthology Body Mechanics (2024), and they are excited to continue pushing the boundaries of what they can achieve in their writing. Evan is a lover of good company and will take any chance they can to dive into a range of topics, from the ethics of Dark Souls to the intricacies of rap.
I Watched Wolves Play
in Snow from a Bench on the Side
Evan Sandifer | Poetry, Summer 2024
They look so calm between
the white lines. Laughing like people
do. I am the guardian
angel this time, waiting for violence, for a nip
at the neck. I wonder
when manhood begins for them, if they
stick their tongues
where they don’t belong. If they bury
dead bodies, like people do, under rocks
& river beds. One of them rolls on its back, saying
look at the pink parts of me, I dare you.
Dare I?
I’m still on the bench because
that’s what the poem asks of me. When fur hits
bark, knocks teeth, & the red starts to drool
into the white static, all hell. & my knees clank
with the vibrance of tin cans, not standing.
Still wading. & the babe starting to peak
from under its mother’s belly, the other’s
still playing in their own shifting wounds, choking
on each other’s necks, laughing like birds
mimicking
people. The mother is
on her back, bleating like a lamb. She asks
for a chance to redeem herself, to return the
child from which it came. Of course
I watch
it unfold, some sick voyeur. A recreation
of a biblical painting sprawling out
in front of me.
The winter babe is a cursed thing. You cannot tell it
to stay hidden until spring. It’s head
melting what is left of a pure
renaissance.
I am the ugly newborn
& the wretched mother
& the wolves laughing like birds laughing like people underwater
& the god who stayed in place.
______________________
Songs About Jane
Evan Sandifer | Poetry, Summer 2024
On the stairs outside
my parents room
Slinky & I have our
first dance. I extend
my hand, help her begin,
roll over her twisted
spine. She leans down
to the step below.
Her next movements
come naturally as she
remembers the beat & down
again. I follow & arch
my back, let my arms take
my weight, together we
drip a heavy
pour, up over &
down to the first floor
drain. We are puddled
there, settled at the
bottom on our stomachs. I take
her up again where
the gravity has
shifted, still Slinky & I love
to dance, she loves Maroon 5.
I play it for her. We
fall away again spit
& sweat sticks
to the back of my neck this
duet makes me nauseous. Someone
is cursed out behind
a closed door & I wish Slinky
& I had a home of our
own full of stairs. We take it
in reverse, she learns how to go
up alone. I still crawl
back on my hands & knees
she’s a step ahead of me
& I wonder if this is where it begins.
Slinky is the most beautiful.
I watch her dribble down
without me & I nearly
throw up. The music dies,
songs about Jane falter.
I know that Slinky knows
that I know she’s dead
or is, or never was.
________________________________________________________________________
Why are these pieces your Trace Fossil?
I forget about myself all the time. What poetry gives me is a memory of things that I may otherwise lose the potency of. When I am soil and earth, these pieces will be my biography. Not a retelling, but a spark of what once was. People are fascinatingly good at getting the details wrong, but what clings to us, what remains buried in the skin, is the feeling. I hope that when I am old and so forgetful, I will remember those feelings, and I will feel the fullness of everything. Life is full of slinkys and wolves, but really, life is full of you. Through writing I talk to myself night and day. That is something that poetry has helped me with beautifully. These imprints can be read in so many ways, and in that, I can be remembered as a body of water."
Evan Sandifer is a creative that can be found cutting new looks into their wardrobe and frantically rearranging the art on their walls. They have found a particular home in poetry, where their joy for words, their emotion, and their curious spirit can play in unbound territory. They have received several silver and gold keys from the Scholastic Writing Awards competitions, and their work has been featured in The Kenyon Review Literary Magazine. They recently published their debut anthology Body Mechanics (2024), and they are excited to continue pushing the boundaries of what they can achieve in their writing. Evan is a lover of good company and will take any chance they can to dive into a range of topics, from the ethics of Dark Souls to the intricacies of rap.